Tag Archives: love

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Sitting With Grief, Seven Months Later

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It has been seven months since my brother died, and I’m still struggling to understand why the grief hasn’t eased the way I expected it to. I was told it would get better with time, that the pain would soften. But it hasn’t. It still shows up unexpectedly, heavy and consuming, and I don’t know how to deal with it any more now than I did in the beginning.

His life was heartbreakingly short, yet his absence feels endless. Some days I function almost normally; other days the loss feels brand new. Alongside the sadness is guilt—guilt for continuing to live, for having moments of happiness, and for feeling like “moving on” would mean leaving him behind. The idea of moving on feels impossible, but staying stuck in grief hurts just as much.

While still navigating this loss, I find myself facing another kind of grief. My cat, Lynx, is almost 19 years old, and I know his time is coming. Even though he’s only been with us for seven years, it feels like we’ve had him for all eighteen. He is deeply woven into our sense of home, and the thought of losing him feels overwhelming, especially when I’m already carrying so much grief.

This anticipatory grief has me mourning before the loss even happens. I watch him slow down and feel a constant ache in my chest, wondering how I’m supposed to prepare myself when I barely feel able to cope now. I want to stay present with him, but fear keeps stealing moments I wish I could simply enjoy.

I don’t have answers. I don’t know how to grieve, how to move forward, or how to prepare for what’s coming. What I’m slowly learning is that grief may not get better—it gets carried. It exists alongside love, memory, and fear, shaping us in ways we never asked for.

For now, all I can do is take things day by day. I can miss my brother deeply, love Lynx fully, and admit that I don’t know how to do this without giving up. Maybe that, for now, is enough. I suppose grief is the price of loving someone so deeply – and the proof that you were lucky to have them.

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Embracing Gratitude: A Year-End Reflection

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As the year comes to a close, I find myself pausing more often—taking stock, breathing deeply, and feeling an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Above all else, I am thankful for health. The simple but profound gift of waking up each day well, for our bodies carrying us through the highs and lows, and for the steady health of our two beloved cats who bring comfort, routine, and so much love into our home. These everyday blessings are never lost on me.

At the same time, loving deeply also means living with anticipatory grief. With a 13-year-old and an 18-year-old cat, there’s a quiet awareness that time is precious. Each extra nap in the sun, each familiar routine, and each gentle purr feels more meaningful. While there’s gratitude for every healthy day we still have together, there’s also a tenderness that comes from knowing how fragile and fleeting these moments can be. This year has taught me to cherish the now even more fiercely.

This year also asked more of my heart than I ever expected. Late August brought the devastating loss of my brother, a moment that forever divided the year into “before” and “after.” The heartbreak of losing him is deep and ongoing. Grief has woven itself into daily life—sometimes heavy and overwhelming, sometimes quiet and reflective. I miss him deeply. Yet even in the pain, I’m grateful for the love we shared and the memories that remain.

Through it all, life continued to offer moments of light: kindness from others, small joys, unexpected laughter, and reminders that even in sorrow, we are still held by blessings. This year taught me that gratitude and grief can coexist—that it’s possible to honor loss while still recognizing the beauty that remains.

As I look ahead to the new year, my heart is full of gratitude for what has sustained us and hopeful for what lies ahead. I’m stepping into the coming year with openness, appreciation, and a quiet faith that more abundance, healing, and blessings will come our way. May the new year bring continued health, gentle moments, and peace—one day at a time.